Monthly Archives: January 2008

Adventures in Paper Delivery

This time of year we get disgruntled. The weather is awful. It’s cold. There is ice and snow everywhere which means we have to get up even earlier to get papers delivered before deadline. We think about quitting every single day. Words come out of our mouths that we aren’t proud of when we have to trudge through unshoveled snow and shuffle tenderly and carefully over shiny ice one inch thick.

It is only this time of year that we wonder if this is worth it, but deep down, we both know it is. Financial peace, which we are already beginning to experience even though we haven’t quite met our goal yet, has been worth every single, awful, thankless day. As I tell my son, this job will put hair on your chest and make a man out of you….if you can do this, you can truly do anything. He probably doesn’t realize it or believe it yet, but I know someday he will. He doesn’t believe me about the hair on the chest, though.

DH and I like to try to inject humor into our often unfunny (and sometimes scary) experiences we’ve had delivering and we came up with our top ten list of things we’ve learned.

The Top Ten Things We Learned From Having a Paper Route in the Highlands

10. The little dogs are the ones you need to run from, but if you’re cornered, the dog can be beat back with a Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday paper….but not a Monday or Tuesday edition.  If it’s Monday or Tuesday, prepare to get a tetnus shot and antibiotics.

9. When you step in dog poo, turn off heat in car. The car heater blowing on shoes makes the poo really ripe.

8. Even in young, affluent neighborhoods like the Highlands, people don’t shovel their walks or salt/sand their ice. Put the sidewalk inspector on speed dial.

7. Watch out for the teenage delinquent in NW 11th Circle wielding a metal scooter and intent on proving his manhood in front of his girlfriend at 4 am. He thinks we need to get a “real job”, and thus we deserve a scooter beating. His momma needs grow a spine and spank his butt.

6. Falling on ice hurts more at age 40 than it does at 15.

5. Teenage boys don’t like to get up at 4 am….and once you haul them out of bed, they are grumpy for some reason. I’m sure DH and I were NEVER like that at 15. Hmph….teenagers today….

4. Don’t hit the door of the house on NW Fairway with the newspaper….even if it weighs less than tissue paper and you couldn’t beat that little dog from #10 with it. If you do accidentally hit the door, high tail it out of there–in other words, RUN!

3. Teenage boy needs to learn to flatulate BEFORE he gets back in the car.

2. Repeated slamming of car door by teenage boy will cost $200 to repair and reduce net profit.

1. Put your car in park before you get out to deliver a paper. Failure to do so can cause injury to body and vehicle. Don’t ask me how I know.



Filed under Newspaper Delivery